Red Dead Redemption II

…Or how my real life ended when I became a virtual cowboy


Red Dead Redemption II (or RDR2 if you want to confuse dyslexic Star Wars fans) came out 2 weeks ago with the promise of a huge map and horse scrotal shrinkage… and boy did it deliver (well, if my horse wasn’t female it would have).

Alex, Laura, Ross, Kirsten, and myself have all become hermits as we’ve feasted our eyeballs on the vast and beautiful “American” landscape that 100s of Rockstar employees spent many months of 100 hour work weeks to produce (it doesn’t work on Kyle’s SNES though). You can certainly see where all of that time and effort has gone. Although slightly buggy at times, the game is as enormous and detailed as you would expect from the minds behind the Grand Theft Auto games.


Apart from the aforementioned retractable equine baw bags, the game is packed full of small details that make for a more immersive experience. The entire world they’ve created reacts to how you play the game.
-Stay fit, health, and clean, people are nicer to you.
-Treat your horse well, it treats you well.
-Look after your camp, they look after you
-Do good deeds, get discounts in shops… and so on

On the flipside, if you behave like a dickhead, the game becomes a lot harder for you.

If you were to power through the story, you could probably finish it in around 50 hours but there is a ridiculous amount of side quests, random encounters, and activities that you could put in 200 hours and still not finish the game.

Almost everyone I’ve talked to in the last couple of weeks are playing this game and, if the most recent episode of South Park is anything to go by, it’s clear that the creators would have rather been playing Red Dead Redemption II than making the episode.