What do you do when you have an excessive amount of Funko Pops, an audience, and a love of geeky debates? I don't know about you but we at Empire Ink decided to ask people who would win in a series of battles.
Since early this year, we've been having our Funkopop feuds. They've been a lot of fun. Then, during the World Cup, Alex had the great idea of having our own tournament. We put together a list of Heroes in our collection and pitted them in a series of elimination battles.
The rules are simple: "In a coliseum, with only the powers and weapons they would normally have on them, who wins the fight?" Basically, I envisioned the heroes being teleported into an arena, identifying their opponent as a threat, and dealing with the threat in a way that was in keeping with their character and power-set.
I worded it that way mainly because of Batman. People are forever justifying Batman wins by saying he can beat anyone given enough time to prepare. By the same token, Batman will always try to incapacitate rather than kill.
It has been a tonne of fun. Every day the entire Empire Team (and our clients for that day) have debated how the fight would go. We've also enjoyed watching the results unfold... even though we've not always agreed. For example:
Deadpool is a bloody great character. Issue 11 of his original run in the 90s is my all time favourite comic. If you like the character but haven't read those first 11 comics, I wholeheartedly recommend you get your hands on them and have a good read. He's a lot of fun because he can be brought close to death and will joke it off whilst he heals. That said, even though he's near impossible to kill, that doesn't mean he won't lose a fight.
Deadpool is currently in the semi-finals. It looks like he may have met his match with Thor but he went up against Vision and Silver Surfer in his previous rounds and won... Infinity Gem powered Vision and herald of Galactus, Silver freakin' Surfer, got beaten by a bloke that can punch well, shoot guns, and heal quick.
Here's how the fight should have gone down:
Even if Deadpool was reduced to a head, he would heal... but would the spectators really hang around for several days whilst he healed? Even if they did, what's to stop Vision from blasting the body parts as they reformed? At some point a winner needs to be declared.
The Yoda Paradox
Yoda has been another strange one. I love Star Wars. Yoda's appearance in The Last Jedi is a large part of why I love that film (even with its questionable Rose and Finn subplot) but to suggest that he could beat Scarlet Witch, Cyborg, and least likely of all, Superman, is bloody crazy talk.
It was a close battle but if anyone can convincingly explain to me how Yoda can possibly scratch Superman, let alone beat him in a fight, I will eat my favourite hat. I'm not kidding... I will pull the cap off my head, slather it in sauce, then gobble it down as if I was on death row and the hat was my last meal.
What does Yoda have to fight with? First up, the lightsaber. As I explained in a previous blog, Lightsabers are bloody mint but even if they can cut through most metals, they aren't cutting through the Man of Steel.
Next we have the Jedi mind trick. The ability to influence the weak minded would be handy when being asked about droids by a pair of poorly trained stormtroopers but you can't tell me that an advanced Kryptonian mind could be even slightly influenced by a parlor trick that doesn't even work on a Hutt or a junk dealing Jewish stereotype?
Lastly, Yoda can hurl a bunch of crap at Superman using the force. Yoda can throw rocks, an X-Wing, or even a star destroyer (if non-cannon expanded universe is to be believed) at Superman. None of that would even slow Supes down.
Remember Superman II? You know, that one where Superman kissed Lois Lane and made her forget that he and Clark Kent were the same bloke? I think Superman could use a combo of his superspeed and some amnesiac lip service to snog away all of Yoda's Jedi training... fight's over, Yoda loses.
This is one of 200 ways that Superman could destroy Yoda.
So why did Yoda win? We've been writing off anomalies to popularity but Superman is one of the most iconic characters of all time. I can't be arsed researching this but I'm sure that, at one point, the Superman logo was more well known than the bloody MacDonalds's M logo. I guess people just have a soft spot for super powered Muppets that speak in broken English.
This weekend is the finals of the Superhero Super Bowl but the Supervillain Super Bowl will be starting in a few weeks. Will the Joker beat Thanos? Only time will tell but if he does, I can see another headwear based snack coming my way. -Baz